Reflections for 2010

Archive Index

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For February!

There is one more rung on the ladder for you to climb, even in the very end of years of spiritual mindedness. But that is where you kick the ladder into the abyss from which you climbed, and from here you must fly.

It’s like fire-walking. You must have total faith to succeed now. Not so much faith in a God of your creation and imaging. But faith in yourself, faith in your faith.

Wrestling at the River: LET GO OF THE STRING

If I say I allow myself to surrender…I am still trying to control. If I say and feel I do surrender, I go willingly, without conditions. There are no conditions to surrender.

My question: How do I surrender?

Answer: Is it so hard to surrender to your own happiness?

Me: Why do I hold onto my own company? How could I prefer it to yours?

Answer: I’m sensing you really don’t care about your illusory self anymore?

Me: Yes, that’s true.

Answer: Then it is time to let it go. When you truly lose you, you find me. It is the place with only joy. It is well lit when only the eyes of your heart are looking. Let your soul sing of it like the coyotes howling in abandonment, and you will cross over.

Me: I do want to go.

Answer: Then, let go.

Me: So, when will I go?

Answer: When you least expect it.

Me: When I think, “I let go,” I still feel the “I” is something trying to be a doer.
This doer is not wanted anymore!
Nakedness and emptiness is wanted!
But the doer is there again, wanted by some part of me.
PLEASE TAKE THIS SOMEONE!
I want to be you. This no one wants to be YOU!

Answer: You are demanding now! All in good time.

Me: Then, I will wait in the stillness for you, making sure my suitcase is empty. I will be gone, but you will see where the suitcase was burned, the ashes. Scatter them as you will. That is my last command. I promise. And it is only a request, a favor.

I will rise and greet every dawn, until there is no me left to do it. And when the only tears I shed in my passing are those of joy, I know it is time to go. With little ritual I let go of my kite string, and gently, my life will rise, dance a farewell bob or two, then continue rising.

And when I open my eyes, the place I have always been is still there, but I am now the sun rising and the breeze blowing and the birds flying at dawn, and the doves cooing in contentment watching a glorious daybreak.

The me has ascended, and only Life remains, the pure joy of continually renewing life. The everlasting surrender to wonder. The desire of life, the potential, the manifestation, and the peace. And IT is I, but an “I” that at last I can live with.

And I will wait at the gate with flowers and hot tea…for you.

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REFLECTIONS ON LOVE

From where do they think their deepest love flows?
Not their hearts, which only pump blood
and never looked or felt like a valentine.
From what part of humankind comes the undirected love that swells inside
and spurts onto bystanders?
Or the pure love of one soul reaching for another?
This love is the bounty of the Spirit, bubbling with hopes of uniting us,
Its pieces.

*****

THE MOMENT YOU LOVE, YOU ARE UNLIMITED.

*****

I realized at Unity today, that I do not have love - I Am Love.

A builder of bridges, leaping between islands of consciousness,
bringing us all into one consciousness.

Love is contagious, catchy, like an electrical current charging from one to
another… It could circle the earth.

The I Am that is Love, that is I, and thee, is also guilty of wanting.
But It wants only this: for all to exist in love.

So catch the wave, ride the shooting star.
Arrive in any manner as soon as possible,
to fulfill our common destiny and purpose - to be Love.

*****

We were all focused on the Divine.
It felt as if we were one mind.
And as our level of love rose,
we then became one heart.
Though our hearts burned,
our minds felt emptied of thoughts. Peaceful.

*****

In Love

Oh my gosh. No. Oh my God. It dawned on me driving home
Tuesday night, that something my teacher uttered quietly amidst all the
caring advice was the truest. "You are in love."
My heart leaped when I realized. Yes. I am in love! That explains it.
And with the One And Only, no less. I can surrender now. Because I know
my best interests will always be at heart. What a great adventure of joining this will be.

*****

Feel love for the life pulsing in your veins,
and understand its sacredness and eternal nature.
If only you had known sooner that our spirits are woven in one power that beats all our hearts,
one presence that lives all our lives
 and one flowing activity.
For we are Life, and we go on and on and on.

What is uttered in our hearts, in the silence?
You are sacred creation.
Open your heart and see
you're a golden spawn of majestic Creation,
take joy in your heredity!

There is always a glimmer of light that holds fast in the depths of
the human soul,
 and even one heart blazing on fire with the love of God
brings hope,
and is contagious.

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Could You Give Up God?

I wanted to wake up thinking of love today, or something fluffy and uplifting, truly. But yesterday the message at Unity was on letting go of attachments, and I have to get back to a question I asked a few weeks ago when staying in a tent at the River, a question about giving up the final attachment.

Giving up attachment to things is only the beginning. Then, to grow spiritually, we release old ways of thinking that don't serve us anymore- like fears, feelings of unworthiness, the desire to control, the need to be right, prejudices; and then we let go of assumptions and expectations. It's all about freedom. By giving up preconceptions you become free to be like a child again, to look at the world in awe with fresh eyes. Giving up your attachment to all thoughts during deepest meditation takes you to where the Nameless exists, and you rest in ultimate freedom.

The final question of attachment, the strangest question you will ever ask, the question that will immediately make you cry, is, COULD YOU GIVE UP GOD? I know this is uncomfortable for both of us, but let's see where it goes, OK? My reverend friend says he is here to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. I guess I'll join him here.

I wrote the following reflection a few weeks past.

Giving Up the Ultimate Desire: to Find God

"There is one more thing you must do for me to pass through this gate," said the Beloved Guardian.

"I will do anything it takes to please you!" my heart cried, "to be one with you. You have always been my true love. No mortal could compare. All ways of living fell short from your true presence. All endeavors are stained. Only speak, and I will follow!"

In the silence before me I heard the Guardian of the Gate say softly, tenderly, "You must give up wanting me. Even forget I exist. Only in oblivion, the lack of all needs and desires, are you light enough to pass through the gate."

"I cannot do this! I cannot give you up! You are all that really matters to me!" I wept.

"You are not giving me up, dear one. You are me, plain and simple, when you quit seeking me. You must let go of even your clinging and yearning for me. This final struggle has served you well, becoming the marrow of your spiritual spine.  But, release me now."

"I can't!"

"Then don't. But I will haunt you as the ghost at the gate. If you honestly want to be free of me as a separate place to come to, let go of your desire for me.

We will then die together, be born together, and be One for as long as you will never remember... into oblivion."

So. Who knows where giving up your conception of God would lead you? I'm not brave enough to do it. Besides, we can never chop off our roots to God. When we wake up thinking of someone we deeply love- we are the heart of God. When we see the first wildflowers wave at us after the snow melts and gasp at their beauty and yearning to exist- we are the eyes of God. When we drive a neighbor we barely know to the store to buy them groceries after they lost their job- we are the hands of God. When I get up and cry at the magnificent colors of dawn, and jump in my car to try and find a better spot to bear witness to the unspeakable glory of sunrise…I know I will never give up on my idea of God, and He will never give up on His idea of me.

Thank you, God, that you are like the blessed mountain mud embedded permanently in the soles of my hiking boots, and won't ever leave me. Cling to me. Please. Cling to me.

"If you lose me, and want to call me back," said the Beloved Guardian of the Gate, " touch your cheek. Lay your fingers gently, tenderly there and say: 'I have found you!' Embrace yourself in your arms and say: 'I am very proud of you. I am here as love, and I love you.' Then, give all your love away; with every ounce of your strength…pour me from your heart. Keep nothing. Empty. Release, and empty. I will find you again. Simply, sit quietly alone, in the Silence. Touch your cheek, my love."

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